This was originally published in May on a different blog.
Being a parent there is always a chance that your kids will say something that makes you stop, shake your head, and wonder "where did that come from? Sometimes, its said with a sense of shock, other times, its said with a laugh. Life is always full of those moments and that is what makes parenthood such an incredible journey. One day, the kids make you want to pull your hair out, and other days they make you want to wrap them up in a big hug and never let them go. Yesterday was one of those days.
It was late in the evening and dinner was done. The boys, Dylan (7), Harper (5), and Harris (3) were all sitting around the dining room table. Dylan and Harper were deeply involved in some sort of discussion about Pokemon, while Harris sat quietly looking through my wallet which I had left on the table. From my seat in the living room, I could see Harris looking at my drivers license. He was studying it and turning it over in his hands like he was trying to figure something out. I didn't really know what to make of it, but I found it captivating anyway. I watched him for a little while and then decided to go upstairs to get their bath ready.
A few minutes later, I came downstairs, and found Harris sobbing uncontrollably on the couch with tears streaming down his face. I could literally see the wet trails on his cheek from were the tears had spilled down his chubby little face. Immediately, I assumed he was hurt and rushed over to him to try and figure out what was wrong. I asked him what had happened, but he just sobbed. I asked if he was hurt, if he had banged his head or something. Again, more sobbing mixed with some words that weren't really decipherable. I asked his brothers if they knew what had happened but they had no clue. I pulled Harris closer and asked him again what was wrong. He seemed scared and I had never seen him sobbing in the way that he was. Again, between deep breaths and sobs he spoke. This time, I could understand the words "you" and "card" but I still had no clue what he was trying to tell me. I asked him to show me what he was talking about so with tears still rolling down his face, he went to the dining room, picked up my wallet and took out my drivers license and brought it to me.
He stood before me, looking both sad and frightened, and then he said "you were in here" as he held up the drivers license. It then dawned on me. For some reason, he saw my picture on the drivers license and thought that I somehow was inside the card. He was still sobbing uncontrollably as I tried my best to calm him down. I asked him if he was scared because he thought that I was gone and was now in the card. He shook his head yes, and cried some more. I pulled him close and re-assured him that I was still here and that I had not left. I explained to him that the picture on the drivers license wasn't really me that I was still there with him. I told him how I needed the picture of me to show that I was allowed to drive my car and that it wasn't really me. I held up the card and showed him the picture and then had him touch my face. Finally he started to calm down and seemed to feel better about the situation. I held him close as the tears finally came to a stop.
It's pretty amazing how the mind of a three year old works sometimes. Plenty of other times, Harris has held that same driver's license in his hand and happily exclaimed "that's you!" He's also had his picture taken before with me before. Yet for some reason, in that moment, in his mind, that picture of me meant something completely different. I'm not sure what triggered the thought. Perhaps it's just because he's getting older and starting to think more analytically about things. In a way, it makes perfect sense, after all, how I can be in two places at once? Still what a surreal and sad moment it was. It made my heart break to see him so emotionally upset because he thought I was gone. It also makes you realize just how weird, complicated, and scary this world must be to a three year old. As parents, we can't hold on to our little ones forever, but on days like these you sure wish you could.
-Scott
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