... a young woman emerges

Today was my daughter's seventeenth birthday. For the past week or so, she has come up to me in a little girls singsong voice gently reminding me of this impending event. She says it with a twinkle in her eye and a skip in her step. She says it with a smile as she reminds me that I am getting older too. As we progressed closer to this day, the reminders became more frequent, still said with a twinkle, still said with a little girls playfulness. In a way, it is almost like a game. It's as if we are playing one last round of peek-a-boo or perhaps, hide and go seek.

I too, have played a role in this little game. When she reminds me, I feign ignorance. When she says, "three more day till I'm seventeen" I flatly deny that it is happening. I try to convince her that it's not her birthday with vague and illogical reasons. I suggest to her that maybe it would be better to skip this birthday. To her singsong little girl, I play the stubborn and grumpy father. I post her baby pictures on the family computer with captions like "Devin is 17!?!? Say it ain't so!" In truth, it's all a dance, an act, a performance.

Maybe it is by design. Maybe it is coincidental. Maybe it's subconscious. Perhaps it's biological. Perhaps I am just acting out a behavior that lies buried deep within my DNA. Perhaps I am just doing what I think I am supposed to do. I am not sure. What I do know is, it has been fun. I would like to think that this is the universe's gentle way of preparing me for letting go. You know, giving me a glimpse of my little girl just before a young woman emerges. I suppose some might see it as a cruel act of nature but I don't feel that way.

For the past week or so, something within her has rekindled. There is a twinkle in her eye. She moves like a little girl, bouncy and carefree. She seems hopeful and ready to take on the world. In a way, it is as if she has regained a sense of innocence. Perhaps it is because she knows that so much lies ahead of her, undiscovered. She seems excited about the possibilities, and that, in turn makes me excited for her.

However, I cannot let her know that just yet. Therefore, I pretend to be the grumpy dad who does not want his little girl to grow up. Maybe that way, I can hold on to her just a little longer. The truth is much different though. I don't want her to be my little girl forever. I am immensely proud of her and the person she has become: a smart, beautiful, and independent young woman. I want her to go out into the world. I want to watch her as she grows into her own and finds her passions. I want to stand in awe as she makes her mark on the world.

Still, it can be easier to play the game. So, I will wear that hat if I have to. I will pretend to be mad that she is growing up. I will do the obligatory grumbling about boys and dating. I will tease her that her clothes are too tight or too revealing. If it steals me a few more moments before I let her go then it will be worth it.

Today was my daughter's seventeenth birthday. By my count, I have about three hundred and fifty five days before we play this game again. She will come to me in a little girl's singsong voice and I will feign ignorance. She will playfully tease me and I will play the grumpy father. We will enjoy our last moments of silliness and I will get a glimpse of my little girl once again, just before... a young woman emerges.